Category: life & everyday

Half a Year Later  5

 Eliza passed her six month birthday last week.  I am at a loss for words when I try to explain how much I love this little girl.  I mean, we love babies in our house.  All of us.  But this one has grabbed hold of our hearts in a way we couldn’t have imagined.

What a sweet blessing it was to go to the Doctor this week and ask him very minor questions.  Many times a day, I recount our days with Annie at this point.  They were so very dark.  It was the beginning of the end, only we didn’t know that yet.

So, Eliza Grace.

Well, for starters, she is a little pudgy ball.  Way high on the charts for weight and way low on the charts for height.  Awesome.

And happy!?  Oh yes, she is.  Not just happy, but always ready for a party.  She and Kate have already gotten in trouble for playing together when they should be sleeping.    If she can’t see what’s going on she uses her incredible range of motion to figure out where the action is.

She sits.  Kind of.

She eats a few things (and enjoys them!) and likes to be at the table with the rest of us.

She likes to dress like Kate (at least that’s what Kate tells me).

She has two teeth (sorry, but I can only see them when she cries.  I promise that she was already crying before I took this picture.)

She loves to play and explore.  She’s quite the curious girl!

 She knows how to get a little attention.

She likes to watch the big kids out the window.

She has incredible facial expressions.  I promise you she can lift one eyebrow at me.  Already.

 And she is just plain funny.  We laugh at her and she likes it.

 So . . .
little e.
E-l-i-z-a (which is what your brother calls you.  He’s learning to spell, you know.)
We’re glad you’re a Damaska.
You give us much joy.

“He has showered His kindness on us . . . “
Ephesians 1:8

Scribbles  3

I was doing my Bible study the other day and found this:

Hmmm.  Scribbling.

My first reaction?
To question Kate and get on her case for writing in my Bible (Because, let’s face it, Kate’s usually behind these things).
Ugh, that crazy girl!

But.

She wrote in my Bible.

Which means she probably saw ME writing in my Bible.
Which means she saw me studying my Bible.
Which means that I didn’t get on her case.

After all, I want her to emulate me.
I want her to discover the excitement of studying God’s Word.

The moral of the story: Make sure your kids see you loving Jesus.  

Now, it was a different story when I found her signature sprawled on the window (and I knew it was her because she likes to put 4 lines on her ‘E’.  Not because she doesn’t know how to make an ‘E’, but because she just likes to mix it up).

But that’s a whole other blog post.

Life.  3

Eliza had her first “Annie Birthday”.
I’ve told the kids that since she was born after Annie, they’re in charge of telling her all about her sister.
I love hearing what they have to say to her.

Peter got five giant balloons for Annie’s birthday.  We went to the cemetery and let two of them drift off– one for each year since she was born.  Each of the kids got the remaining three.

People ask me a lot how we are doing.  Honestly, I think we’re doing fine.  Yes, we are sad.  But we also have lots and lots of joy in our house.   And because we have little kids, we do our grieving in short spurts.

Case in point:  Going to the cemetery was hard and awful.  We let off the balloons and prayed together as a family.  Then Peter and I stood there crying while William and Kate wandered off (with our permission).  Soon Kate stepped in a mud puddle and was filthy.  We opened the van door so she could sit and take her boots off and discovered that Eliza was in her car seat having a major fit.  We popped a pacifier in E’s mouth, de-booted Kate, and yelled at William to get back to the van so we could leave . . . we had to get to the library to return a video before we got a late charge.

This is our life.
Our crazy, sad, joyous, loud, grief-laced, hilarious, blessed life.

Happy Birthday, Annie Jane  10

Remember last year when I asked you all to leave a gift of verses for Annie?
It was beautiful.
Let’s do it again.
Here’s mine:

May the God of hope fill you 
with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, 
so that you may overflow with hope 
by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Romans 15:13

Thanks for praying for us.
What joy this girl brought to our family.
What a gift she still is!

Wounds, Bandages, Healing  6

A surefire way to break a Mama’s heart?
Write a note like this during rest time and tape it to a favorite picture:

“William misses Annie.  I want her to come back.”

It stopped me cold.  Because we all feel it.
This missing her doesn’t get any easier.  We all long for her to be here.

He gave me a little smirk when he gave it to me and I recognized the look.
It’s the look I feel on my own face when I try to describe how I feel.  There just aren’t any words and whatever words I use seem inadequate somehow.

And as I was taking a picture of his note, I glanced over and saw Kate’s paper from church.  She had learned about this story* and retold it to me famously.  But as I looked at it next to William’s note, I couldn’t help but feel like the man who had been beat up.

Sometimes I just want to wrap myself in bandages because I am hurting so deeply.  And I wonder if this bleeding of my life will ever end.

Will I heal?
What will my scar be like?
Do I trust the Holy Spirit with my wounds?

And then, I read just the words I need:

All praise to the God and Father of our Master, 
Jesus the Messiah! 
Father of all mercy! 
God of all healing counsel!
2 Corinthians 1:3
*Kate’s story was verbatim with one exception.  She told me the Samaritan took the wounded man to the nearest condo.  A modern twist! 🙂

A few random stories along with random pictures  5

We have a regular rotation of games around here.

One is “marble game”.  It involves rolling a marble back and forth on a windowsill.  It’s a cousin to the popular “ice cube game” where they roll an ice cube to each other on the kitchen floor.  That one usually takes place while I’m trying to make dinner.

Another game William and Kate enjoy is “Secret Asian Spies”.  I think they mean “Secret Agent Spies”, but I don’t want to correct them because I think it’s funny.  They pretend I don’t see them sneaking up on me.  Honestly, it drives me nuts, but as long as they stay quiet enough to let Eliza sleep, I let them play it.

But today’s story is about the ever-popular “duck, duck, goose”.  Which is actually pretty humorous, since there are only two of them to play it.

The other day I listened while I folded laundry:

Kate was the “ducker” (their word).
William whined, “Kate, why do you keep skipping me?”
(Apparently, there were a myriad of other imaginary friends in their circle?)

So Kate obliged.  Sort of.
I watched her skip around the circle, patting the made-up heads:
Duck.
Duck.
Duck.
Duck.

She paused when she got to William and said boldly, “Peanut Butter and Jelly with Salami”

At this point, she knew she was in trouble, so she just took off running.
Of course, he chased her.  And caught her.
It did not end well.
But it was still funny.

********

I went to get my hair cut a few Saturdays ago.  Somehow I managed to convince Peter to take William and Kate with him to go get groceries (huge points for him!) while I kept Eliza with me.

It sounded so good.  Too good.

Ten snips into my haircut, Eliza got a tummy ache and decided to make things a bit miserable for us all.

I mean, seriously, this face?

She screamed and screamed and screamed.  Poor baby.

And then, the next appointment came in.
And Peter finished up his grocery run and arrived with two very cranky children.

What was I to do?

I left with half a haircut.

And returned the four days later to finish it.

She’s lucky she’s so cute.

****

Kate was in my closet this morning, talking away.  When she came out, I asked who she was talking to.

“Oh, my son, Jadyn,” she said rolling her eyes.

“How is he?” I asked.

“Well, he just isn’t cooperating!”  she said, just as if we were two moms discussing our children’s behavior.  It was hilarious!

She then walked back into the closet, slammed the door and said in an authoritative (and dare I say familiar?) voice,

“Jadyn, do you not know that I am trying to help thousands of people!?  And I have to wear scarves and boots and belts and you are not making good decisions!  I have to help all these thousands of people and I want you to be good!”

It was a very serious talk.
I sure hope Jadyn shapes up.  His Mother is a very busy woman.

Thus ends my randomness tonight.
I love my kids.

Label Maker  3

William came home from school the other day on a mission.

Apparently his teacher and classmates had labeled objects around his classroom.  So William thought he should label our entire house.

This one may be my favorite: shlfs= shelves.  And yes, that is a George Washington Bobblehead.    

Thankfully, my suggestion of limiting it to his room worked.

mer = mirror

Not that I don’t think it’s totally awesome.
I mean, is there anything better than Kindergarten spelling?

You rock, Son.

Pondering.  2

Sometimes I trick myself into thinking that what we’ve gone through wasn’t that big of a deal.

Annie only lived six months.  Maybe I didn’t love her as much as I thought.

Then I look into Eliza’s eyes.  I feel her little body curl into mine.  I realize that I love her so much, I forget to breathe.

Eliza

And then I remember.

Annie

It’s the bitterest-sweetest thing.
An unexpected blessing in my grief.
I remember.
I remember just how much I loved her.  Still love her.
Yes, it hurts.  But it also heals.

And you saw how the Lord your God cared for you all along the way as you traveled through the wilderness, just as a father cares for his child. Now he has brought you to this place.
Deuteronomy 1:31

The Jesse Tree  5

One of the traditions we began this year was our Jesse Tree.  And, well, we’re a little behind on the whole thing, since we’re only on Day 15.  We were supposed to do Day 25 on Christmas.

Let’s not count the days to reveal just how behind we are.  Ok?

Ok.

I was so excited when this idea started brewing in my head.  It was right before Thanksgiving and I was dreading getting all of the Christmas decorations out, simply because I knew I would hang four stockings on the fireplace and one would be glaringly empty.  I hate having an empty stocking.

I’ll admit that I stared at it and imagined all the girly-goodness I wanted to put in it.  Stickers and toothbrushes and nonsense for my sweet almost-two-year-old.  Oh how I miss her!

Instead I prayed and searched.  I found an idea for a Jesse Tree.  Each night we open an ornament that highlights a story from the Old Testament.  Specifically, stories about people that play a part in the coming of Jesus, the Messiah.  We’ve purposely prayed that Annie’s life would point others to Jesus, so why not fill her stocking with stories of people whose very lives pointed to the coming of Jesus so long ago?

People like Joseph (striped coat) who chose forgiveness instead of bitterness and revenge.  People like Ruth and Naomi (wheat) who remind us that God doesn’t forget us, even when we are sad.  And people like Rahab (red ribbon) who help us to remember that God will give us courage to help others.

So Peter and I spent an afternoon at the craft store trying to find all the itty bitty materials to make up our tree.  I put them together (which was a bit trying since I’m not at all crafty.  I think I may have permanently damaged my fingerprint while using the glue gun.  Ow.)  Each ornament went into a cloth bag and into Annie’s stocking.  It was delightfully full.

I wrote out short little devotions to go with each ornament (found here) and paper clipped them to pages in a special journal.  Each night as we read the devotion and the corresponding story in the Bible, the kids draw pictures in the journal.  There’s also a simple question that we answer together and record.  Next year, I’ll just paper clip the devotions to the next set of blank pages in the journal and we’ll start over.

Now, lest you think that we are Super Mom and Super Dad, let me tell you that we’ve had our share of nights when we do this through gritted teeth.  I’ll admit that I had visions of peaceful family time, where we had deep talks about Christ and fun memories of Annie.  Instead, there are usually fights about who gets to draw first and who gets to put the ornament on.  Someone usually interrupts by having to go potty.  William’s prayers (directed at the oldest sister) are “Help us to make good decisions and quit making bad ones”.  But Peter gently reminds me that we’ll figure this out as we go and building in traditions aren’t always easy the first go-around.  He’s right, of course.

So, all of the Christmas paraphernalia has long gone, but this little tree remains a part of our nights.  We take deep breaths and pull out a new ornament that reminds us of the birth of a Baby who changed the World so long ago.  And I thank Jesus for a full stocking and the chance to use Annie’s life in this little way.

P.S.  The angel at the top?  A Kate original.  I love Sunday School crafts!

Blessings.  3

When they walk through the Valley of Weeping, it will become a place of refreshing springs, where pools of blessing collect after the rains!
Psalm 84:6

“To be blessed doesn’t mean that you are untroubled, healthy, admired, or prosperous.  It means that all is well between you and God, that you are deeply secure and profoundly content in God even though you may be weeping over the pain of a sick body, a deteriorating mind, a rebellious spirit, or a dysfunctional relationship. The blessing is not that He gives us what we want but that He gives us Himself, especially in our painful places.”– Nancy Guthrie, One Year Book of Hope, p. 331