Category: life & everyday

An Interview with Eliza at 4 years and 2 days old.  0

I think there are few things as exciting as turning four.  And this girl has been over the moon about everything birthday this year.  She requested “eggs with bacon sprinkles” for her special breakfast, strawberry cupcakes with pink frosting and pink sprinkles, and potato soup for dinner.

This morning we were sitting on the floor and she was trying to talk me into letting her play on my phone and eat a sucker.  Instead I said, “What if I interview you?”.  She was so excited…. and she had no idea what an interview was.  Ha.  I love her so much. (Her words are in bold)

Hello.
Hello.

What is your name?
What is your name?

No, no.  In an interview, you don’t repeat the question, you answer it.  What is your name?
Pickle.


Um, your real name.
Eliza.  E-L-I-Z-A


What is your favorite thing to eat?
Mac and cheese.  Um, mashed potatoes and that’s all.


When you get up in the morning, what do you look forward to?
Breakfast.  You need to eat breakfast.  Lunch, dinner and supper.  When are we going to eat?  In a little bit?

Can you tell me a story?
Once upon a time there was a puppy and it was named Rosie and there was a little girl named Rosie and there was a little boy that was named Jack and there’s a tiny dog and there’s 2 dogs and the other dog was a girl and the other dog was named Rosie too because it was a girl and they played all day and they loved apples and pears and peels.  They liked to go potty in the garage.  The end. (Everything EVERYTHING is named Rosie. Also, there’s always a mention of potty because certain people in our house ALWAYS LAUGH at potty references.)

 
What is the biggest word you know?
Chrysanthemum and hallelujah.  Actually, the whole world.  That’s a big one.
 
What do you know about Jesus?
Hmmm.  He loves me.
Tell me what you like to imagine.
You’re a baby and I’m a mom and we say baby things.  Wah! Wah!  Like that.
 
What are you thinking about when you hum?
(Starts humming) I love everybody.
 
What do you like about being four so far?
I’m bigger than three.
 
Did you like being three?
No!  Cause I wanted to be four!
 
Thank you very much for the interview.
Uh-huh.

 

 

Choosing a Lasting Legacy.  0

“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” — ee cummings
I regularly have moments when I look around me and feel like there must be some mistake.  I couldn’t possible have given birth to this many kids.  And where did these adult problems come from?  But yes, there are many (children and problems), and the dance to stay one step ahead isn’t always easy.  In fact, it often overwhelms me.
This raising kid thing is exponentially harder and more amazing (often all at the same moment) than I ever imagined it would be, and as they get older and I realize the enormity of bringing another person into the world (which didn’t end at the moment they exited my body), I find myself gasping for breath, unsure how I’m ever going to see it through.  It’s usually during that moment of sheer panic that God gently reassures me that it was no mistake that these children are in our home and that in between the crazy is plenty of amazing stuff.
As William’s tenth birthday approached, I wanted to do something that we’d never done before with him.  Also?  I figured Peter and I deserved something more than a slice of cake for actually making it to the first decade mark.
So Peter and I took Will for a weekend on his own, to do whatever he wanted to do. We had the greatest time. After a night in a hotel, we drove to The Adventure Park in West Bloomfield, Michigan and played around on the ropes course.  I will have you know that I did most of it with the boys, but I sat out the third course so I could take pictures.  If you really want proof that I did it, you’ll have to check Peter’s phone for the video of me screaming through the zip line.  It was a blast and I was so glad that I didn’t just sit on the sidelines.
There’s something about the camera lens that captures more than what I could see with just my eyes.  That day, standing at the bottom watching William maneuver in and out of the ropes, I was struck with the significance of our activity and the life we’re striving to build with him and with the girls.
You know, someday when Peter and I die and our kids look at our will, we won’t have an enormous inheritance to give them.  But what I pray we pass on is a lasting legacy.  I love to do things for my kids that make them happy, but I don’t want that to drive the way that we live as a family.  And I’m guilty of forgetting that what I leave in them is much more important than what I do for them or what I give to them.   Slowly I’m realizing that when happiness in my kids is my ultimate goal, I’m selling them far short of what God has designed them for.
One of the principles I’ve learned in parenting the last ten years is to “Imagine the End”.  When I feel stuck on a decision, I play it out in my head.  Where do I want my kids to end up?  Who do I want them to become?  If I believe (and I do) that God is writing the story of my life, I have to believe that He is also writing a narrative in my kids.  And I want them to shape their lives according to His plan for them.  This is the kind of legacy I want to leave.
What does that mean for us as parents?  It means that we let them do the hard things.  And we push and we encourage, but ultimately we trust that, just as we learn the most from the hardest times, so will they.
It means that when I so badly want a reprieve, I rejoice that God gives us strength to do what we had no idea we could do.
It means that I watch my kids in awe, amazed that God is working so quietly, so significantly in them that I am left breathless with wonder.

“When it comes to my children, the most difficult thing I have ever done is to admit my limited capacity and trust God to show up and do what only He can do.  Some days I just need to be reminded that my family is a part of a bigger picture and that God desires to demonstrate His redemptive power through us.” (From Parenting Beyond Your Capacity  by Reggie Joiner and Carey Nieuwhof)

Thanks to this blog post for this idea of a birthday adventure!  I can’t wait to see what Kate chooses in just a few years.

summer blogging.  0

Why I never blog:

The kids offer to take the dog on a walk!  Yay!  I can write for a few minutes.

They inadvertently slam the door.

It wakes up Eliza.

She gets up, puts her head sweetly on my shoulder and comments on every. single. letter. that I type.

(“Wow!  You’re Fast!”
“What is that letter?”
“Go up!  I want to see that picture!”
“Can I do it?”
“How old is Daddy?”)

The laptop battery dies as they dryer buzzer goes off.

I decide that making cookies is a better idea.

The end.

Snapshots on a Thursday  1

I get stuck sometimes, wondering if my kids are only going to have memories of a grumpy, impatient Mom.  Sometimes a trip to the Photo Archives on my computer is just what I need to remind myself of the fun we have as a family.   These days can be physical and mentally draining, but there is much joy sandwiched in there, too.
 Today, I want to remember….
  1. The way Nine Year Old Boys smile for the camera.  And how the moments before and after pictures are filled with genuine, amazing laughter.  I just have to be sneaky to catch it.
 2.  The day the kids decided to make homemade flip flops and the grass was a glorious green (coming soon again!!)
 3.  Their shrieks of joy when I make blueberry muffins.
 4.  The way she poses even when I’m not taking pictures of her.
 5.  Smiles after tears.
 6.  How she wears this hat all the time, even to bed. (Note to self: Throw hat in laundry asap)
 7. The way the animals run around the corner when they hear the kitchen door slam, hoping for a bit of our leftovers. (Those branches from the Christmas ice storm are still there, unfortunately…. but the snow is not!  Hallelujah!)
 8.   The surprise that she no longer needs a chair, but the relief that at least she still has to stand on tip toes.
 9.  The way she so carefully set up her dolly to take the picture, sweet talking her the whole time.
 10.  The way we celebrate Annie’s birthday with banana muffins, every year.
11.  And maybe my favorite?  Not a particularly great picture, but it is so perfectly my kids this week.  William riding his bike (always active), Kate taking pictures of everything in sight (always artistic), and Eliza sporting a huge mud spot from falling moments before (always hilarious… You’d think I’d have it figured out by now not to dress her in white pants for a spring walk).
Do yourself a favor on this Thursday and remind yourself of the great snapshots you’re building into your family.  Don’t be discouraged by the sticky floors, bickering kids, looming decisions or tears of grief.  Instead, take a deep breath, be courageous and embrace the beautiful mess of a life you’ve been given by God.
So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well. Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush. Live a lover’s life, circumspect and exemplary, a life Jesus will be proud of: bountiful in fruits from the soul, making Jesus Christ attractive to all, getting everyone involved in the glory and praise of God.
Philippians 1:9-11 (The Message)

Adopting Rhythms  1

Did you know that William is actually known as Will to his classmates and almost everyone besides us?  I asked him the other day if he’d like us to switch it up (way back when he was born, we had wanted him to be a “Will”), but he told me that he likes it that we call him William.  So William it will be for us.

Peter overheard our conversation and started laughing.  Did you know that he is Peter to most everyone, except for his parents and family?  To them, he will always be Peter Jon.

I love the way that my kids are like us in big and little ways.

Some of it just happens . . . the eye color and the slow waking up and the aversion to certain foods.

But most of the time, I realize that my kids are going to mimic me and are going to model their behaviors after me.  It’s tough and humbling and scary, because I fully realize that I don’t have it together, even on my best days.  And yes, I just end up asking for forgiveness a lot.

 

When the kids were little, I remember panicking a bit, because we didn’t have any “traditions”.  Were they going to get new jammies on Christmas eve?  What were we going to do with Santa?  Where would our “vacation spot” be?  I thought we should have dates with each of our kids each month on the anniversary of their birthday, alternating between Peter and I.  Ha!  So complicated.  I felt like a failure before we even began.
After a few years, Peter and I decided that we didn’t need traditions . . . what we needed were rhythms.  Things that our kids knew would happen and could count on happening.  Sometimes it’s the silly things like a candy trail on Easter morning, but most of the time it’s ways that we can build into our kids a love for Christ, a deeper understanding of who He is and why He matters in our life.  I don’t want them to just be able to spout off what the true meaning of Christmas is or recite John 3:16– I want it to change their outlook, their habits and they way that they frame their world.

We do our best to be really intentional about the rhythms that we form as a family, trying out a lot of different ones, tossing the ones that don’t work and keeping the ones that do.

Here are a few things that we’re doing right now:

We began Ann Voskamp’s Lenten readings this week.  Sometimes her writings are a little above my kids thinking, but I actually really like that.  I want my kids to know that sometimes things don’t cater to them and even if they don’t understand every word, they can attain to it (p.s.  they get more than I ever give them credit for).

We’ve also been slowly memorizing our way through the book of John.  The challenge is to truly love God’s Word, not to just read it because I need God to do something for me. I keep these taped up beside our dining room table and we repeat them most days.  When I overheard Eliza telling her babies, “The Word was with God”, I knew that we had stumbled on something that works for our family.

Following Margaret Feinburg’s suggestion, we are starting to pray for our food differently.  Many times before a meal, we’ll spout of a quick prayer thanking Jesus for the food, for our day, for our family.  But we’ve begun to look at our food and thank Jesus for the people that had a hand in bringing it to the table.  So that means we pray for the truck drivers that drove our food to the store, the people who stay up at night and put it on the shelves, those in other countries who grew our bananas and grapes and oranges.  It’s a powerful way to pray. (I also like how she gave up prayer for lent one year)

That’s what works for us.  In the front of my mind, most of the time, is this thought that we’ve been given such a short number of years to train our children and we have to make the most of it.  I don’t want to waste these years with my kids.  And in a real way, these formative years of teaching them is actually teaching me so much more.  As I’m preparing them, I’m grounding myself and reinforcing truths that I already believe.

Rhythms are everywhere in our lives.  In the spring, we sign up for Little League. Before we go to bed, we brush our teeth.  At Thanksgiving, we have turkey.  Establishing rhythms in our family life isn’t something new, it’s something we already do.  But sometimes it’s good for me to step back and evaluate what we do and why we do it.  This allows us to tweak what we’re doing to make it more meaningful and to edit out what’s unnecessary, replacing it with things that intentionally point us to Jesus.

(One afternoon, over hot chocolate, the kids taught Eliza how to play rock, paper, scissors. Ha!)

 

 

Cabin Fever  2

Last week, in an act of surrender to this never-ending winter, I bought my kids pocket knives and a book on whittling.

We’ve done all the coloring/ stickers/ painting/ crafting/ wrestling/ cooking/ legos/ board games possible and before we all sink into a coma of unlimited Netflix, I rallied one last crazy idea.

I told a few of my friends of my purchase and they broke into hysterical laughter and said, “We can’t wait to see those pictures on your blog!”

So, Jamie, Amy and Angela, here they are.  I will spare you the bloody ones, but I will say that I put Band-aids on the grocery list because we went through quite a few.  Ahem.

But it gave us an hour of time together, with no bickering.  The kids talked about what they wanted to make, about going outside to look for twigs, their hands were clean from all that handling of soap and I declared, “This is good.” I’m pretty sure it’s not our golden ticket to bliss until Spring decides to show up, but for now, I’ll take it.

*Yes, they were supervised the whole time.  Yes, I believe in letting my kids do dangerous things, even if it means they may get hurt.  And no, Eliza didn’t get to try it.  She was taking a nap and the knives are safely out of her reach.

 

On Traditions  3

You know, I try my best to be a fun mom.  And nothing screams “FUN MOM!” like amazing Christmas traditions.  Right!?  Right.

I keep my expectations low.  I try my best not to do it all, to be flexible, to let go of perfection.

Case in point: Sometimes we make cookies.  Sometimes we don’t.  Sometimes we do and wish we hadn’t.

Anyway, one tradition we love is our “England meal” together, just our little family.

(Side note: After Peter graduated from High School, he spent a year in Yorkshire, England as an exchange student.    And then, a few years before we had kids, we flew over the pond for a few weeks.  We still keep in touch with several friends and it’s a dream of ours to one day spend an extended amount of time there with our kids.  We’ll see.  HOWEVER, we did not purposely name our children after Prince William and Kate!)

This year our Christmas meal happened in January, because we spent the week before Christmas in a terrible ice storm, with no electricity.  And then we went to spend time with my family, followed by a trip to see Peter’s family.  I was going to forget the whole thing but a snowstorm kept us indoors (and extended our Christmas break by 3 days), so we had plenty of time to pull it all together. (!)

I made Shepherd’s Pie and Roasted Parsnips with Orange Marmalade.  I always dig out my Yorkshire Pudding tin and follow an old recipe from Pam Kemp.  For dessert we had Marion Bain’s Creme Caramel.  And we round it out with a large selection of our favorite crisps and candy (except for the Prawn and BBQ Beef flavors . . . those are always the last ones to be picked).

It felt so good to be home, after almost 2 weeks, mixing and cooking and planning.  The snow was falling and everything was cozy.  I was patting myself on the back for (1) establishing a fun, not-normal tradition and (2) not chucking it, even after all the craziness of the past few weeks (we had struggled to feel “Christmas-y” after four days of no electricity).

You guys.

My kids hated the meal.  They would not eat a thing.  They picked and complained the whole time.  They whined. We took away dessert privileges.  There may have been tears.

Finally, we threatened to throw frozen hamburger patties on the table for Christmas dinner next year!  Which was the wrong thing to say because they actually brightened at the suggestion, declaring their love for a good burger.

That was when we not-so-kindly excused them.

Peter and I drank our lukewarm Yorkshire tea, stewing about how hard we worked to do fun, unique things for our ungrateful children.

After we calmed down, we called the kids back to the table.  And we apologized for our harsh words and they did the same.  Because they aren’t ungrateful. . .  and they are great kids, most of the time.

Moments later, we got this note from Kate, which had us silently snorting in the kitchen as we cleaned up.

(Dear Diary today was horrible cause today we had our England meal and me my brother and sis hardly ate our food and mom and dad got mad because of that and so that was a bummer but luckily we made up and now I think we are all happy but my brother I don’t know about.  But so far so good)

So our England meal wasn’t all warm and fuzzy, but in a way, it turned out perfect.  Because traditions are about making memories, which we certainly did.

And next year we’ll do it all over again.  Because, darn it, they will learn to eat Shepherd’s Pie, whether they like it or not!

On Being a Beautiful Mama  3

My role in the MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group at our church is publicity, which seems a little daunting, but mostly I just surf the internet for articles I like and I plunk them into a newsletter. Not a huge deal.  
But one of my other main tasks is to gather information about all the Moms and put together a little directory.  Getting their addresses, birthdays and kids’ names isn’t hard . . . but taking their pictures is like pulling teeth.
Last Friday, I wore my camera around my neck and watched them avoid me like the plague.  
“I didn’t have time for make-up today”
“This isn’t a full body shot, right?!”
“My hair looks a mess!”
“I hate having my picture taken when I’m pregnant!”
“How big are these pictures going to be?  You promise this will only be printed it in black and white???”
I couldn’t chastise them for their words– they’ve slipped off my own tongue more often then I care to admit.  But I do have to say that hearing the phrases come from so many beautiful women in such a short amount of time was shocking.  These are women who got multiple children ready that morning, so they didn’t have time to get themselves ready.  Women who are willfully gaining weight so that they can bring new life into the world.  Women who have laugh lines and gray hairs because their lives are full of bringing up the next generation.  
I got home and uploaded their pictures, resized them and put them in my document.  I studied each one and saw so much life in their eyes.  It was stunning.
A few weeks ago, I joined up with a little project that challenges Moms to step into the picture with their kids, instead of always being behind the camera.  You would not believe the number of pictures I took.  I found a way to scrutinize every little thing about myself and I finally shook my head in disbelief at the number of things I could find wrong with the way I looked.  It was totally ridiculous.  
I kept up the terrible self-talk until I imagined Kate saying the same things to herself…. because it hit me that my kids will learn their Mama’s tricks.  
This is not a new subject and if you do a google search, you will get a million hits in .35 seconds.  I believe that as Moms, most of us intentionally pump good messages into our little girls that they are beautiful and that they matter, that God has created them for a purpose and they should be confident.  But I wonder if we’re allowing ourselves to believe those same messages?  Do I believe that God created my family and He is pleased with them, but somehow He skipped over me?  Am I really that arrogant?
So I posted the pictures of myself.  I’m allowing the positive words that tumble out of my mouth for my kids to apply to me, too.  I told those harried women from MOPS that they are beautiful.  And as I cropped their pictures, I prayed for them.  
“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in that secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.”  Psalm 139:14-16 

Week in Review (Starring Eliza)  1

Last Wednesday, six of my friends (plus me) took off for Kansas City, Missouri for the national MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) conference.  Um, Kansas City is a long way from Michigan.  🙂  But we had a great time and had the opportunity to listen to Beth Moore, Jen Hatmaker, Lysa Terkeurst, and lots of great breakout group speakers.  I’m still processing all the great stuff I heard.  I’m such a learner at heart, so opportunities like this are like crack to me.  I cannot get enough.  

 And all while I was gone, I’d get photos like this:

 My Mom travelled up to be with Peter while I was gone and the kids were clearly distraught without me! 🙂  I was so thankful to get pics like these  because I knew that everyone was happy and having fun. While the big kids were in school, Eliza and Nanna went to Wendy’s, took a trip to the Pumpkin Patch, and even went antique shopping.  They suffered so without me!

 I got home on Sunday night, just in time for Eliza’s 3rd birthday on Tuesday. ( I love the story of Eliza’s birth– it’s one of my favorite blog posts . . . go here to read it).  I remember being so anxious during the days of her pregnancy, wondering if it was the right move for our fractured family, but she has brought us joy and healing in so many ways. What a gift she is to us!

We celebrated my being home and Eliza’s birthday by going out for dinner.  And for some random reason we decided we should take a picture.  This is what we ended up with.  I decided it was our gangsta pose.  I guess Will didn’t get the memo.  
Kate ordered potato soup.  Eliza ordered noodles.  Neither one of them ate anything until I suggested they trade and then they gobbled up one another’s food.  Sisters!

 Since our families usually can’t be around when we open gifts, we have to be creative to make us feel like we are together.  So Eliza opened her gifts from Peter’s parents while they watched via Facetime.  The new little grocery cart was bought with money sent by my Grandpa (the one who calls her Little Gracie).  I made her pose with all her loot so that we could send out pics to everyone.  She was pleased. Also, she looks about 10 miles tall in this picture, which makes me all weepy.

 But lest you think that all is wonderful and peachy, here is the newly turned 3 year old, after an epic meltdown when I told her to put on her pants.   I did eventually take pity on her and put the blanket on her . . .  Birthday weeks are exhausting.

 Happy Weekend!

Our Favorite Christmas Tradition {the jesse tree}  0

One of our favorite traditions in our house is our Jesse Tree, which we started the Christmas after Annie died.  We filled one journal and we’ve started another.  The kids love to look back to see what they wrote in years past.

My favorite journal entry is the day that Kate asked Jesus into her heart.  Every year when we get to that day, tears come to my eyes.  Our original intent of the Jesse Tree was to use Annie’s life to point others toward Christ.  We began it as a way to fill her stocking during Christmas– an empty stocking is so horrible. So when Kate responded to one of our devotions by saying she wanted to pray, it was like God was whispering to our broken hearts, “See, I can bring good out of your sorrow.  Watch it unfold before your eyes!”

Every year, I have friends tell me they’d like to start a Jesse Tree of their own.  So here is some info to get you started:

Here’s the original post I wrote about it (with some links of the devotionals we use)

Here’s a post that I read this week and the way her family does the Jesse Tree.  She has a lot of great details and explains it much better than I do.

My advice?  Give yourself grace.  Each year, we get busy and there are many nights that time slips away from us.  Usually it’s Easter before we get done.  And that’s ok.  I want this to be a special time with our kids, not a hurry-up-we-have-to-finish-before-December-25.  So we take our time and we refuse to feel guilty about having a Christmas tree up in February.

Also, for now, we read our stories out of the Jesus Storybook Bible or one of the kids’ Bibles so it makes it easy for them to understand.  They are much more engaged that way.  And while we read, we let them draw a picture in their journals.  They each have their own journals, after two years of fighting over who got to draw first (!) and it works out great.

For us, this has been a great way to celebrate the coming of Jesus.  It’s amazing to see the progression of the Bible and the expectation of a Savior  . . . and to teach that to our kids.

I’d love to hear if you start a Jesse Tree of your own, if you have other resources you use, or if you have any other great traditions that your family does to celebrate the birth of Christ!