If I know you, Friends, many of you will be checking in on this little blog, knowing that this day is a hard one for the Damaska house.
Because two years ago, we took William and Kate into a small room and told them that their sister was going to die. It is a memory that haunts me.
Several hours later, we held her as she left this earth, straight into the arms of Jesus.
This morning, Eliza found all of the baby books on the bookshelf in the corner. She (of course) pulled each one out. And when I went over to her, she handed me Annie’s Baby book . . . the half-filled out book that I so wish was bulging with memories like the others. She had no idea what her pudgy little hands on her sister’s book did to my heart.
I found this letter I had written to her:
January 25, 2011
My Sweet Annie girl,
I have been missing you so much lately. You would be almost 23 months old now and for some reason today I just wanted to get out your book and add a little more to it. I find myself choking back tears as I flip through the pages and I think, “We were so happy. I wish we were still happy like that.” But the truth is, your life has changed me so much. And my human wishes aren’t God’s Plan for our family. So I continue to trust Him. He has been so faithful to us.
I wanted to put these pictures on this page because my most important wish for you came true. You, My Girl, are with Jesus! In His Real True Presence! How I long for what you have! I miss you so very much, but I love to think of you worshipping Him. I picture you in His arms, safe and secure. And Healed. My wish for you.
I love you,
Mommy
The verse we chose for Annie before she was even born was Isaiah 30:18:
Little did I know how much I would need the very next verses in the months (and years) that have followed:
Sarah, I grieve for you for the hardships that you have endured before I ever met you. But now, I see the strong woman it has made you and I stand in awe at the way you hold your family and heart together. Looking back on the hard days is always a hard time (as I remember the "hard" days of losing my dad), but it is always evident at the end of the day how God has brought you through. I will be praying for you today. Now, I have to go fix my make-up because it is now tear streaked.
Oh my, you know how to get the tears flowing. Thank you for a wonderful memorial for today! It was a good thing to do and a great way to remember sweet Annie. Your letter shows great wisdom, (altho' as you say, given to you in a way you'd prefer NOT to get it!)
Sweet Sarah ~
Even though we are hundreds of miles apart, I am holding you close in my heart. (I didn't even try to make it rhyme) =). I know these earthly days are incredibly difficult; remembering the grief that enveloped you and your precious family 2 years ago today, as you said goodbye to your cherished Annie Jane and gave her back to God. But I am thankful you are choosing to trust Him. I love how often He shows you He is with you, every minute of each day. The grace He gave you to take Annie Jane's baby book from Eliza Grace's hands. Wow. Just wow. Please know you are being thought of, prayed for and loved. I wish I could take your pain away, but I am awestruck and thankful how you take Jesus' hand and allow Him in lead you daily. Your obedience is beautiful. Our God of grace will one day redeem this pain. I love you dear friend. Keep leaning on Jesus.
Sarah,
Please know that Annie has not been forgotten. I think of her often and my heart still aches for you and your family.
Thanks for being such a great example for us all and staying true to our Savior.
Many Blessings,
Julie
That was beautiful Sarah. But it always is. Your letter to Annie made me cry. You are awesome and I love you.
Sarah, yes, I am checking your blog today and yes, I've attempted to write something 20 times but I really have nothing profound. However, it is always amazing to me how you speak eloquently of just how you manage to move forward with God's plan for your life.
Love you, dearly.
Michelle
Sarah,
I feel there are no words. And it seems that you should be the one without the words. And yet your writing is so profound, and beautiful. We are thinking of you today, and your family. We love you all. We are remembering Annie with you. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. Becky
Oh Sarah…what beautiful and heart wrenching words to and about your sweet Annie. What a powerful testimony her life and your journey continues to be!
Sarah, I love what you share and how you help me through the sad days…I love you so much!
If we were there we'd wrap our arms around you all and hug you tight … but since we're far away I'm asking the Lord to wrap His arms around you instead.
Love you muchly,
Neile and Rick
Remembering your sweet girl Annie! What a treasure these posts are. Thank you for your words Sarah.
I love this post! So sweet for Eliza to hand you the book! Straight from the hands of God…
Sarah, you all have been near my heart this week. Isabelle tells me her favorite friends are William, Kate and Eliza, and oh, how I long for her to say Annie's name too. I miss her too, and I'm praying for you still . . . thank you for being my friend.
Jamie
I have been on a blog hiatus for a long time and was just catching up on my favorites. I saw this post, and I loved it. I thought as I was reading it that one of my all time favorite blog posts of any blog, was the one where William asked how Annie would know you were a family, and low and behold, that was the one that you linked to at the bottom. I read it again and loved it again.I still mean absolutely every word of the comment that I made on that post. Your family is beautiful. So are you, to be able to see them with such an eternal perspective.