I’m a planner.
I like to have things ready, well ahead of time.
So I knew that the time was approaching when I’d have to go through the sweet baby clothes to get them ready for our new girl.
It’s a task that brought me so much joy in the weeks leading up to Annie’s birth. I remember getting all of Kate’s clothes out and thinking about how little she was and how sweet she looked in all of them.
This time, it’s a little different.
Annie’s clothes still hang in the closet. They still take up residence in the dresser.
I haven’t had the strength to put them away.
Clothes she wore when she was so sick and I was praying harder than I’ve ever prayed in my life.
There’s still a basket in my closet . . . the last load of her laundry.
Clothes that faintly smell of her skin, that bring back memories too hard to put real words to.
I know they’re only physical reminders of her. Her soul is with Jesus, which is the most important thing.
But I loved that little body. I loved knowing her tickle spots and rubbing lotion on her little knees. I loved finding little bits of rice cereal in the pudgy folds of her neck. I loved knowing what outfits would bring out the blue in her eyes and seeing her hair poke out all over after I gave her a bath, wrapped tightly in the towel that says, “I love Daddy”.
But it’s time.
Time to take out her clothes and replace them with her newborn clothes for her sister.
Can I just pause to say that God is so good? He is. He IS.
He has turned the dread of this job to joy. It’s unexplainable.
Oh, it’s still difficult to touch, feel and remember.
But it’s one of the few physical links that this babe will have in common with her sister.
There will be no pictures together.
They will never touch skin.
They will never giggle together in the room they would have shared with Kate.
But they have clothes.
And someday when I’m showing this New One pictures, I can say, “Annie wore this, just like you did. You would’ve been the best of friends.”
Love you Sarah.
neile
So very proud of you, Sarah..
Another step taken at just the right time. Love you. Love your words. They're beautiful. Can't wait to meet W,K&A's little sister.
These words were precious.
I know just what you mean…when people 'remind' me that Matthew's not in the cemetery…I just think in my head, "No, but that sweet little body that gave me kicks of joy at chocolate cake is. Those little feet that were too big to make a circle-sized pendant so we had to go to oval-sized are there. That's where we last left that precious little hand that gripped his daddy's finger so tightly and gave him such a gift. No…*he's* not there…but so many things we loved of him are."
And just writing that makes me cry, so I'll stop…just wanted to tell you we've been thinking about you guys so much and knowing how close you are!! Again, your words were precious.
xoxo
Oh Sarah, how precious and strong you are. So articulate in the face of so many emotions! I miss your sweet face and spirit. Wish we lived closer and our children could play together. I'd love for my girls to watch and learn from you. What a blessing you have been to me, and I am sure you continue to be to others. Love both you and Peter!